How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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