she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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