Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
