Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
