question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
