I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
