We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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