Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Randomize
