I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
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