they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
This house was built for laser tag.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
