Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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