i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Randomize
