I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
