i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
