Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
