How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
