cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
