I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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