It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
