And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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