you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Randomize
