You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
