I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
i need to put some appletini on your dick
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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