We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
