no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
