and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
