Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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