the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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