Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
