...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
