Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
