i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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