Porn is love you can see.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
