ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
