allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
