he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Randomize
