when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
