happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
you win again, gameday.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
