I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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