I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
