if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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