My first STD was from a foam party
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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