Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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