Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
