Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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