Me. At least after what I've been through.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
