No awkward lesbian experiences without me
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
