12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Randomize
