Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
