my sisters under your porch take her home
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
