Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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